best medicine - laughter

This is really good. Have a laugh and have a great day ahead!!
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Wahe Guru & Good morning, Ladies and Gentlemen: This is your
Captain James' Santa Singh welcoming you to Punjab Airways. We apologize for the
two-day delay in taking off, owing to bad weather and some overtime I had
put in at the highway dhaba. This is flight no. 9211(Nau Do Gyaraah) to
Ludhiana. Landing in Ludhiana is not guaranteed, but with luck we may even
be landing directly on your village.

Punjab Airways has a unique record for safety. In fact our safety
standards are so well known that even fully trained terrorists and
hijackers are afraid to fly with us. It is with pleasure I announce that starting
this year over 90% of our passengers have reached their destination. For the
ones that don't quite make it, Punjab Airways staff has all the requisite
experience for consoling the next-of-kin. Our Hostess Bubbly Kaur will be
happy to brief you on our out-of-court settlement policies. If our engines
are too noisy for you, on passenger request, we can turn them off for your
convenience.

To make your free fall to earth pleasant and memorable, we serve
complimentary tea and biscuits. For our religious passengers, we are the
only airline who can help you quickly find out whether God really exists.
We regret to inform you that today's in-flight movie will not be shown as we
forgot to record it from the television. But we will be flying right next
to Air India, where their movie will be visible from the right side cabin
windows. These windows have been removed for your viewing convenience. For
passengers with sight problems, we have also put a pair of binoculars under
your seat.

As per the rules, smoking is not allowed on all Punjab Airways
flights over Punjab. Any smoke you see in the cabin is only the early
warning system on the engines telling us to slow down. Life jackets are
placed under your seats and free bathing costumes are made available for
the aunties and swimming trunks for the uncles, for emergency water landings on
any of our five rivers.

Kindly be seated, keep your seat in an upright position for take
off and fasten your belts. For those of you who can't find a seat belt, kindly
fasten your own belt to the arm of your seat. And for those of you who
can't find a seat, do not hesitate to get in touch with Bubbly Kaur for your
arrangement to sit on the bathroom seat. If you do sit there, please do not
flush frequently because it may result in shortage of water we require for
your tea.

I won't be flying with you today because I have to attend to my
nephew's wedding. But co-pilot Kaptan Singh will have wireless access to me
in case he needs flying instructions from time to time. For an extra 500
rupees or two tandoori chickens, our attendant Bubbly Kaur will allow you
to come forward and occupy the captain's seat in the cockpit for 5 minutes
each, for an extraordinary view.

Thank you once again for choosing to fly with Punjab Airways.
Thank you.